The Leader's Mirror

“Intent doesn’t equal impact.”

It’s a concept that comes up over and over again with leaders. It’s also one I’ve had to remind myself of more times than I’d like to admit.

About 10 years ago, I was reading a post from a leadership-minded person I had been “leading” until about a month prior to his post. His post read, “Being nice and giving good advice does not make you a good leader.” I immediately suspected this post was about me as he reflected back on his time with me. I  don’t know if it was and I never asked but the point is that it revealed something I already suspected to be true. I knew I was intentional but I wasn’t confident I was actually making the fullest positive impact I desired.

That’s one side of the coin of intention over impact. I have also worked with leaders who are smart, driven, articulate, and results-focused but their team’s retention and morale continue to remain low.

Any motivated and sincere leader comes to a moment where they ask, “Is it me?”

That’s where our growth begins.

The Most Important Leadership Question

Every leader carries influence. Whether you’re running a company, managing a team, or just leading your family, you’re leaving a relational wake.

But here’s the catch: most leaders rarely stop to ask what the wake of their influence feels like. We assume our good intentions are enough. We hope people understand our tone, our pressure, our style.

But they don’t always.

A hard truth I’ve learned—both personally and through coaching—is this:

There’s often a gap between how we see ourselves and how others experience us.

Until we close that gap, we’ll keep repeating the same relational and leadership patterns, even with the best of intentions.

The Leader Mirror

Here’s a question worth considering:

What’s it like to be on the other side of me?

Ask it honestly. Sit with it. Don’t rush to self-justify.

Think about:

• The energy you bring into a room.

• The way you react under pressure.

• The level of clarity or confusion you leave after meetings.

• The emotional residue you leave behind.

Leadership isn’t just what you do—it’s how you affect.

Clarity Without Condemnation

This isn’t about shaming yourself. It’s not about finding flaws and beating yourself up. It’s about Awareness. Ownership. Growth.

When you understand how others experience you—whether it’s as empowering or overpowering, engaging or disengaged—you can make adjustments. You can learn how to bring the best of who you are to your team and minimize the unintended impact of your blind spots.

Take me for example. I wasn’t a bad leader. I was just unaware of how my need to be liked came across as being indecisive and unclear. Once I saw it, I didn’t stop being the Connector that I am - I began a journey of learning how to take my natural relational building and use it to call others up and liberate each person to bring their best. The people I was leading didn’t need a new boss; they needed the same one with self-awareness.

A Simple Reflective Practice

Want to try this for yourself? Here’s a quick exercise:

1. List 3 words you hope others would use to describe your leadership.

2. Ask 2 trusted teammates or friends how they would describe their experience of working with you.

3. Compare the results. Where’s the gap? Where’s the overlap?

This practice won’t just reveal how you lead—it will guide you in your growing.

The Invitation

At L3 Coaching, we help leaders close the gap between intent and impact. Our goal isn’t to “fix” you—it’s to help you multiply your influence through clarity, character, and awareness.

Imagine if your team didn’t just follow you because they had to, but because they trusted you.

Imagine if your influence wasn’t just positional, but personal.

That starts by asking the question few leaders are brave enough to ask:

What’s it like to be on the other side of me?

Want to Discover your Leadership Voice and explore how others experience your leadership?

Click here to request your Discovery Call

Or email me directly at: heath@l3leadershipcoaching.com